These are the quotes you know are true, but you'll never find in the media. But the truth is out there, somewhere...
"I'd prefer if she hunted with a .3oo Winchester Mag, everyone knows you don't take moose with a 30-06 Springfield." - Moose hunting friend, who asked to remain anonymous
"She's a known terrorist, hates the earth, and has deliberately killed precious wildlife in Alaska. Plus, she's evil. Why McCain couldn't pick a trans-gender candidate I can't say. "- whacko post from Daily Kos
"Damn it. I hate that guy." Mitt Romney, shunned Republican VP Pick
"I'm worried about the increase in global warming - she's sooooo hot!!!" - President Bill Clinton
"The kid said, 'Don't taze me, bro', so I zapped him anyway. Then she's tries to kick my hiney off the force!" - Mike Wooten, former brother-in-law and one of 7 Alaska State Troopers
"McCain could've had an evangelical stud, but instead he goes for the winner of the Babes in Christ contest." - Mike Huckabee, vocation unknown
"She is not insanely great. Al Gore is. McCain should've picked him." - Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, Inc., where Mr. Gore is on the board
"She was picked for what? But she was supposed to bring snacks to the next Hockey Moms social!" - Juneau Hockey Moms Group Leader
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